I'm sitting here, still at the office, but doing nothing in particular. I'm in a state of confusion, and have been the whole day, trying to decide on what I'm going to do this evening, tomorrow, and the future. And although I've somewhat reached a conclusion, I still can't say that I'm fully convinced of the choice I made.
See, I've decided to skip tomorrow's climb to Mt. Daguldol. Because of that, I don't need to go anywhere tonight to buy food and gear as part of preparing for tomorrow. And also because of that, my budget for the climb is now free to be spent on something else, like a pair of new rubber shoes, which is not an urgent need in at least four months but will only be available in its ultra super low priced form (that's a 70% slash) for just four days (and that's today until the end of this month!)
But a part of me still wants to go. I haven't actually told those who'll climb that I'm in, so I have nothing and no one to back out from. But mentally, I've been preparing for this climb. Now I feel like I'm backing out from myself, like I'm leaving an eager and expectant part of me in the air, leaving that part of me dissapointed and crushed.
And why the change of heart? Why, the rain mostly. The daily afternoon rains has been making me lethargic. And today its full effect was upon me. I can't even think straight.
But I've made my decision. I'm not going anywhere tomorrow. Now, I hope I can decide on where to go for dinner tonight.